Growing Tears

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Growing Tears – Preface… Perfect Wanting

I couldn’t take my eyes off him.  He was real, he was here, and he was mine.  All mine, hopefully for the rest of my life.

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Growing Tears – Chp. 1 Surprise

“Do you want help with the wet suit?” I started to unzip it.
She looked at me like she wanted me to take over taking care of her.  Her hands traced my arms.  I was shocked to see her frail body, so thin, and with skin almost translucent.  I couldn’t believe my eyes.  Truly, there was almost nothing left of her little body.  I felt terrible that she had gotten this bad in the little time that I had not seen her.  At my gasp, she attempted to pull the wetsuit back on, but I wouldn’t let her.  She could tell by the dismayed look on my face, how shocked I was.
“Sarah, it’s okay, I am here now.”

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Growing Tears – Chp. 2 Very Real

“James, I have to go practice.  Can I eat more later?”
“You can’t go down, right Jake?”
Jake looked at me shaking his head no.  I glared at the two of them.  I went back in the bathroom and brushed my teeth.  I walked out and sat on the bed.
“So, which one of you two decided not to let me go down?”
They both looked at each other and neither one of them could look at me.

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Growing Tears – Chp. 3 It’s Time

Oh shit I am done now.  I started walking to the kitchen quickly, and I caught a glimpse of Jason trying to get James’s attention.  I ran faster, but saw him come over the bar before I got to the kitchen.  He stopped me in the kitchen by grabbing my arm.

“Sarah?” His voice was desperate.

I didn’t know how to talk to him or even look at him.

“James, all of this is just too much.  I am 16, and I can’t do this anymore.”

I just walked away.  He cramped over as Jason walked in.  I didn’t wait to see what was going on; I had to go right now.

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Growing Tear – Chp. 4 You Know That

“They are life partners; it was foreseen.”

“I don’t believe in all this crap.  She is 16, and there is no way she is ready.”  He turned to me pleading, “James, you know that.  You yourself want her to wait to be with her until she was 18.  James, don’t do it.”

“Jake, have compassion for him.  He is… He loves Sarah, more than life.”

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Growing Tears – Chp. 5 Shocking News

“When we got here, they wouldn’t take her back unless someone signed the release forms.  I signed them.”

Paula spoke up, “Yes, thank you, James.”

I knew she wasn’t going to be thankful after this.  I saw Clarissa nodding to let me know I should continue.  I didn’t know how to tell them this.

“In order for them to accept my signature, we had to…”  Shit I can’t tell them this.  Fuck, I don’t want to do this… not without my sweet Sarah by my side.

Tucker put his hand on my shoulder again, “James?”

I directed my attention to him, “My mom is a judge, and she emancipated Sarah as an adult and we…

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Growing Tears – Chp. 6 Communications

I moved around her.  If I could feel her, my body would have been tracing hers.  As I came back to the front of her, I whispered in her ear, “What do you need, Sarah?”

“Help me.”

She was breaking my heart.  I whispered to her lips, “Sarah, how can I help you?”

I woke, my phone was buzzing.  I was gleaming as I looked at Sam.

Excitement entered his eyes, “You were with her?” He was handing me my phone.

“Yes.”

I opened it and read the message, “Feel.”

I was gasping for air, “My sweet Sarah.”

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Growing Tears – Chp. 7 James Can Save Me

What did she mean, ‘James could save her but didn’t know how’?  Do I tell him this?  If it will save her… yes.

I walked over and kissed her cheek, “Sarah, I will tell him.  Hang on, baby.”

I went to walk out and her vitals went haywire.  I ran back to her, “Sarah, knock it off.  I said I would tell him.”

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Growing Tears – Chp. 8 Competing

He stood up more and walked towards me, “I am not afraid of you, so don’t try to intimidate me.”

“Jake, I wasn’t  I would never be that stupid.  If I hurt you or was even mean to you, I know I could lose her.  She makes me want to be better than I am; so no, Jake, I am not doing anything like that, but I am not leaving either.”

“So, if I… let’s say… kissed her right now you wouldn’t do anything to me?”

I tried to keep my face neutral, and my temper down.  I sat down in the chair, “She’s sleeping; how much are you going to do?”

He was trying to make me angry; maybe to get me kicked out.  I wasn’t going to fall for it.  He whispered in her ear and kissed her cheek.  I closed my eyes and sat back.

“James, stop that.  I’m tired.”

I got to my feet astonished that Sarah spoke.  Jake…

Growing Tears Chp. 9 Frankenstein

I looked at James.  He moved so quickly to my face cupping my cheeks making me look at him.  I knew it was bad if he was doing this.

“Sarah, it doesn’t matter.  It will heal and Jake said there would be little scarring.”

I tried to watch Jake, but James was holding my face to look at him.

“It’s bad?”

“No, Sarah, it doesn’t matter.”

Jake was washing it off and then looked at us, “Sarah, it’s beautiful if I might say so.  I did beautiful work.  It’s already healing.”

Growing tears – Chp 10 Visitors

Danelle came to the side James was on.  She glared at him as she got closer, “You have been a bad boy.”

“Why?  What did I do?”

“She was supposed to talk to me before doing anything crazy.”

He laughed, “We didn’t have much time to consult with you.  It was a spur of the moment thing.”

She slowly sat on the bed being so light I couldn’t feel the movement either.

She was still glaring at him, “I don’t approve.”

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Growing Tears – Chp 11 Who is What

Clarissa stopped him before he left the room, “Jake sit, this involves you too.”

Jake didn’t understand how family business included him, so he was reluctant as he moved back to the window, this time just leaning there, as if to keep his personal feelings in check.  James raised the bed and propped me up.  What I really wanted to do was go to sleep.  I was really foggy and my head was spinning.

“We have something to tell you boys.  Sorry, Sarah, you will just have to tolerate this if you can, or you can go to sleep.  It doesn’t matter if you are awake, because this it is about the boys.”

I was going to fight to stay awake no matter how I was feeling.  I had to hear what she was going to say.  I didn’t want her to lecture Jake, and I didn’t want her to scold James.

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Growing Tears – Chp 12 The Choice

“Jake, I didn’t know all this stuff either.  I was walking away from it, and I thought I wouldn’t have it if I left.  I didn’t use it to win her heart.  I did it to keep her feeling better, happy for one, and not sick for the other.”

“You didn’t give her a choice.”

“Jake, no matter what I used, she always had a choice.  I always give her that option.”

“She knows you feel everything; I would have kissed her and she would have kissed me back, but she was afraid of hurting you.”

“Because she had a choice, brother.”

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Growing Tears – Chp 13 Dad’s Understanding

Dad was trying to understand, “You two are that connected?”

We both answered, “Yes.”

“I am not going to get used to this; it’s weird.”

I could see a glimmer of happiness as he replied to my dad, “The funny thing about it is I didn’t know that I was doing it.”

“What do you mean?”

“When she was getting sick she would call to me, and I would give her my soul to help her deal with it.”

“Okay, how does that work?”

“It’s like, I don’t know how to explain it, but I could move through her.  She did better after I did that.  I just concentrate really hard about making her better and it just happens.”

“But, it’s not good for either of you.”

“Nope, but I didn’t know that at the time.  The more she needed it the more I did it.  It seemed to help her fight it off.  Sarah, how many days did you go without getting sick?”

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Growing Tears – Chp 14 Unwanted Surprise

All of a sudden I felt her.

“Jake, you have to pull over. Shit.”

“What?”

“She is dreaming. You have…. Oh shit. Pull over.”

He was moving to the side of the road.

“What, James…?”

I opened the door and got out, “Jake, wake her up now.”

“Why, what is going on?”

I pleaded with Jake to wake her because she was going to have her way with me, “Jake, wake her NOW! Please.”

I turned away from him and leaned with my back to the truck bending over. Oh, my god, little girl, you are going to drive me crazy. I could hear him trying to wake her. Oh shit, she has to quit dreaming. I couldn’t stop it, and she wanted more. Shit, “Jake, wake her now!”

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Growing Tears – Chp 15 A Shower

He wrapped his arms around me to move me closer to the shower. He helped me wash my hair first. I was standing on my own when he did this. When he tilted my head back to rinse it he came in for a deep kiss. His mouth on mine was mesmerizing. I could have jumped his bones right then if I could have moved without pain. He took the soap and was washing every curve of my body running his hand delicately and slowly over areas he wanted to spend more time on. When he moved back up my body to look me in the eyes again he spoke into my lips, “Oh god, please help me to have strength.” His lips pressed to mine hard and deep.

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Growing Tears – Chp 16 Didn’t Think of That

“A bowl movement or just urinated.”

I had to laugh, “Technical, I am going to have a hard time with that. She just urinated.” I laughed even more when I said it.

“Did she say how that went?”

“She said it hurt.”

He was really odd. He was just talking about it like it was a normal conversation as he asked another question, “How did it hurt?”

“I don’t know; I didn’t ask. It was really weird having to help her sit on the toilet and then picking her up off of it.”

This time he seemed more human because he laughed, “I didn’t think about that.”

“Yeah, well, I didn’t either.”

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Growing Tears – Chp 17 The Medications

Then she glared at me. I had to walk out so I wouldn’t melt to her persuasion. I went to get ice. I passed Jake on the way, “Jake, she just did it again.”

“What?”

“She asked if she could wait to take the pain meds, and her mom offered to stay awhile and she was pouting at me. I agreed with her mother and she glared at me.”

He started to laugh out loud, “Okay, okay James, we can try something else tomorrow.”

“Will you quit laughing; it’s not funny.”

“Yes, it is. I get to go in next; I can’t wait to see this.”

“She is all yours, but you have to promise me to not give into her. That would drive me crazy even if it is only the drugs.”

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Growing Tears – Chp 18 Self Control

“Why did he close the door if he’s going to listen on the monitor?”

He yelled, “BECAUSE!”

I laughed. James went back to reading to me. I nuzzled into him. With Jake listening, I was able to control myself better. I just laid my hand on his abs. I listened and paid attention to his words. I kissed him where my lips laid. He ran his fingers through my hair. I was losing track of the words because the fogginess was coming back, “James, you’ll have to go back a few pages next time; my head is foggy and I won’t remember it.”

He kissed my head, “Anything you want, my sweetness.”

He continued until I was sleeping.

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Growing Tears – Chp 19 Oh Poop

He helped me sit down, kissed the top of my head, and walked out closing the door. I had to go poop, but the stomach was hurting from trying to sit. I tried to relax and the pain was excruciating. The tears traced down my cheeks. I would have been happier to stay in the hospital longer, so a nurse could have helped me. This was going to be another low point in my life.

Finally finishing I wiped and flushed.

“You done?”

“James, give me a minute.”

“Sarah, you’re not okay.”

“James, stay out or I will not behave later.”

“Fine.”

I heard him yell for Jake. I could hear them talking.

“Sarah, are you done?”

“Just a minute, I am a girl and I am allowed to take as much time as I want in the bathroom.”

Of course now Jake was outside the door too, “Sarah, did you have a bowl movement?”

Oh, how humiliating.

“Sarah?”

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Growing Tears – Chp 20 Never A Woman

When I woke up I didn’t want to live anymore.  What kind of future would I have if I couldn’t have children with James?  Yes, I could have a great career.  I could have a man who I loved with all of my heart, but why go through all those years of living if I couldn’t have a child of my own.  James was so good with his little sister.  We talked about it and he wanted five; I don’t know if I could even carry one.  He needed to find someone who could give him a child.  I would have to let him go.  Maybe if he was the Chief he… no he wouldn’t take that away from Sam.  He would just have to find someone to love that he could have children with.  I took the ring off and let the tears fall again.  I wasn’t even a woman yet and now I felt like I would never be one.

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Growing Tears – Chp 21 Together

He lifted me, and walked out of the shower, but still kissing me.  As he sat me down he wrapped the towel around me.  He kissed my forehead and walked out.  I took a deep breath to handle the adrenaline that was now pumping through my veins.  If it weren’t for the pain it would cause, I would have pleaded with him to be together.

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Growing Tears – Chp 22 On Their Own

I had him show me how to give her the shot and how much to give her.  I practiced with a water syringe and an orange.  I was really nervous, but I wanted to get Sam here as soon as possible.  I called Sam to tell him to be ready and I talked with my dad, who advised me that even though we were married we should be more careful.  I was thankful he didn’t say what to be careful about.  I was ready to be alone to take care of my sweet Sarah.

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Growing Tears – Chp 23 Not Healthy

“You mean when she goes home and I talk to her on the phone I can’t …” I didn’t want to say what I was really thinking so I settled with, “…kiss her?”

“James, can regular people do that?”

“Well no, but when she is so lonely and she needs to feel I care about her, how do I make her feel that without it?”

“James, that is what I am talking about.  You two have done so much more than we know about, but from the stories the desire can also drive you crazy.”

“Yeah, already there.”

“Well the first step is admitting you have a problem.”  He waited for my reaction, and we all started to laugh.

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Growing Tears – Chp 24 Unbearable

He knelt down in front of me and put his mouth to my stomach holding his lips against me, and letting his hands wrap around me. He couldn’t look at me but still tried to explain, “When I come to you; when you 200 are awake; I am making the desire in both of us grow to the point where it could drive us crazy, and I don’t want to do that to you.”

“Oh, like now!”

Finally his eyes came up to meet mine, “Yes, like now. I am so sorry, Sarah. I am driving you crazy. If I bring you home like this, full of desire, it will be really bad, and you will be miserable with being apart.”

Anger was leaving me as the sadness seeped in, “Aren’t you going to be miserable being apart?”

Agony unfolded from his face, as he moved to stand in front of me cupping my face with his hands, “I am going to feel like my world is coming to an end. I could spend 24 hours a day holding you and touching you, but that is not reality.”

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Growing Tears – Chp 25 Not As Planned

“Sarah, we need to go back in for some scans. Make sure everything has room and that it’s not tangled in there.”

I looked at him horrified, “If you think that you are cutting me open again you can just forget it. I would rather die than feel that again.”

“I am not kidding. If something isn’t right we need to take care of it now.”

The fear of being cut open again brought tears to my eyes.

“Sarah, I’m not saying there is a problem, but we need to make sure. You should have been making better progress by now.”

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Growing Tears – Chp 26 The Promise

“Sarah, you are avoiding something.”

“No, what I am thinking… since I am going to sleep most of the day…”

He completely cut me off, “Why are you sleeping most of the day?”

“Too much pain and Jake said I could have the strong stuff every time along with the pill, because the pill makes me foggy and tired, hence the sleeping most of the day.”

“The pain is worse?” His face dropped sadly in a worried frown.

I touched his cheek softly tracing it, “James, you need to study while I sleep. Promise me, and I will tell you something else, but you have to promise you will study and take the test.”

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Growing Tears – Chp 27 Jake’s Help

He shook his head chuckling, “You can get dressed by yourself?”

I was instantly scared, “I don’t know.”

He eyed me as I walked to the dresser.  I picked out underwear and contemplated his expression.  We both didn’t want him to help me, but to bend over… I didn’t know if I could get up again.

“Sarah, I am a doctor.  I can do this.”

He grabbed the underwear and squatted down to let me step into them.  He pushed them up to the bottom of the towel, “Your turn.”

I reached down to pull them up the rest of the way.  I started to look through some stuff.  I found cut off sweat shorts.  I held them up.  He laughed.

“Jake, I don’t want anything tight over my stomach.”

He grinned grabbing them and helped me step into them.  Just like the underwear, it worked pretty slick.  He lifted first and then I finished the job.

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Growing Tears – Chp 28 What… How… Couldn’t Be

Jake touched Sarah’s arm shaking her a little, “Sarah, how are you doing?”

She was out, and Jake came at me, pinning me to the wall with his arm on my neck, “I thought you were waiting till she was 18?”

I just looked at him stunned.  What was he talking about?  “Jake, we are.”

“She was sick and in pain and you just had to do it.”

I was still staring into his eyes not understanding his actions.  I was holding him back, and Sam was trying to pull him off, but with the anger he had, he was still coming at me.

“Jake, what are you talking about?”

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Growing Tears – Chp 29 Little One

James took my face in his hands and traced his fingers along my cheek.  I hated when he did this, because it meant that he was trying to make everything okay for me.  “Sarah…”  He dropped his gaze from me, “…shit, I can’t do this.”

If James was this upset, what was wrong with me?  I looked at Jake for answers, but he wouldn’t look at me either.  I turned to Sam, and he put his face down immediately.

My heart was racing as my mind wandered all over the possibilities of how short my time was going to be.  If James couldn’t tell me it had to be bad.  I had to know right now, “James?  What?”

He glanced at me, and his eyes were full of tears.  It was worse than I had originally thought if he was crying.  I was starting to panic.  I was trying to push him out-of-the-way.  I was not staying here if I was going to die.  Not here.  Not now.  “James, take me home, now.”

“NO!”  He was grabbing my arms.

Growing Tears – Chp 30 To Suffer

“Why doesn’t she want the pain medication?”

I could hear him sniffling, “She thinks she should suffer for what she thinks she did.”

I was relieved, but I didn’t want to be comforted.  I just wanted to be miserable by myself.

“Well, that’s just stupid, Sarah; knock it off.”

I flicked him off with both hands.

“See, there is the feisty Sarah that I know.  Sorry, I’m not letting you suffer, because you want to hurt yourself.  Putting that pillow over your face isn’t going to work either.  You will pass out before you suffocate and you will drop it.”

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Growing Tears – Chp 31 One Finger

James was the first one in the room.  He approached the bed, so I could see his face, “Jake told me it was bad.  Are you okay?”

I wasn’t okay, but I nodded anyway.

“Can you give me anything?  Please, Sarah?”

I stuck one finger out, and he touched it with his finger tip.  He laughed a little.  He squatted down beside the bed and kissed the tip of my finger.  He wasn’t supposed to do that, so I pulled it away.

His brown eyes warmed me as he said, “It’s all you would give me; I had to try.  I love you.”

His face showed signs of being tired and worn out.  I took my one finger and traced under his eyes where the darkness had filled in.

He closed his eyes, “Yes, I am tired.”

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Growing Tears – Chp 32 Missing You

I furrowed my brow to tell him I didn’t like the way he talked to me.

He leaned to me but not touching me at all, “I will behave if you let me…”  He moved his face as if he was tracing mine.

I looked down.

“May I?”

I shook my head no.

He moved his mouth close to my ear, “Please, I miss you.”

I shook my head no and the tears streamed down my face as he pulled away from me.

His eyes searched deep within me for an answer, “Why Sarah?”

I shook my head no, and of course I started to sob.

“I’m sorry.  I shouldn’t push.  I just miss you so much.  I will wait and I will take whatever you can give me.”

I pointed two fingers at him.

He chuckled, “We’re making improvements.”

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Growing Tears – Chp 33 Going Home

 With his warm breath came a plea, “Sarah?”  How one word can fill you full of need confused me but I wanted, no I needed his touch at this moment.  He pulled back, just enough to gaze into my eyes.  The deep brown penetrated into my soul warming me to my inner core.  I wanted his lips to touch mine.  I wanted him to pull me into his arms.   Just when I thought I could handle his touch, we were rudely interrupted.

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Growing Tears – Chp 34 Waiting

Knowing I should have refrained from kissing her, because I was causing her pain now as she sniffled.

I pleaded, “No, Sarah, I am sorry. I should have waited longer.”

You two ready to go back upstairs?”

James closed his eyes, “Damn it Jake, you have the worst timing.”

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Growing Tears – Chp 35 The Release

Jake started to massage lower, and this was so soothing that I closed my eyes.

Inquisitively Jake asked, “This feels good to you?”

He laughed when I nodded with approval. James’s hands replaced Jake’s as he took over messaging my stomach. When Jake moved to leave the room I turned to James, but closed my eyes with satisfaction from how good this felt. 280

“Sarah, this is hard for me.”

The fear seeped back in, and I grabbed his arm to stop him.

He removed my hand from his, gently. Pulling my attention to him he assured me, “I want to help you.”

Giving into his touch I closed my eyes to enjoy this feeling once again. It didn’t last very long before the gush released. I grabbed his hand to stop him, and the fear took over my eyes.

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Growing Tears – Chp 36 Skinny Dipping

Pulling out my phone I checked the time, “It’s 1:00 am.”

“Are they still out there?”

I stood up and walked to the window on the other side of the room, “They are skinny dipping.”

“What? They are not.”

Instant worry filled me, as I realized I didn’t know where Sam and Tamara were. I dug out my cell phone and called Sam.

“How is it going with Sarah?”

“Sh

Growing Tears – Chp 37 Teasing

When he was done with my fingers he moved his attention to my face moving closer and closer as if he was giving in to my want, but instead of kissing me he grinned and replied, “Nap time.” His idea was short-lived because he moved in for more kissing. I turned away playfully looking at him out of the corner of my eye.

“Are you teasing me?”

I giggled

“You are.” He got up on his knees trying to figure out what he was going to do to torture me. I turned away closing my eyes pretending to snore.

“You are teasing me. That isn’t nice.”

I felt light and happy.

e is sleeping; where are you and Tamara?”

“We are stuck in the apartment. Tamara is sleeping, and I was going to carry her upstairs, but… Do you know what our parents are doing?”

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Growing Tears – Chp 38 Private Talk

Jake was attaching everything again. He gave me a small dose of pain meds, but it was just a little. He asked James, “James, I know you hate leaving her, but I have doctor questions, so could I have a minute alone please?”

He was shocked, “You have never asked for privacy before.”

“It’s for her, not for me. I think we humiliated her enough before with the whole family there. Please, James, I will come get you when I am done.”

He looked at me to see if I would be okay with this, so I nodded to let him know it was. James walked out; I knew he wouldn’t go far.

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Growing Tears – Chp 39 Bad Timing

“Are you coming?” Jake was walking back in determined to end my time with her. I raised my head to glance at him. He shook his head no. I kissed her again to show him that she was responding to me, and then I glanced at him, but he wasn’t leaving. He shook his head no. I didn’t want to listen to him. She was responding, and I needed this so badly.

“Damn it, Jake, get out.” I regretted opening my mouth the instant I did it. She opened her eyes, which locked on mine for a split second, long enough to see a slight smile cross her face and then a touch of fear, before rolling away from me.

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Growing Tears – Chp 40 A Little Fun

This time I had to move my foot to the ground to scratch it, “James!” I pulled his head back, “Not fair.”

He was totally smiling and maybe laughing a little, “Okay, Okay. I’ll behave.”

I pushed his head forward. He waited until I was almost asleep again, and he did it another time.

This was what I was waiting for. I pulled back his head and sprayed whipped topping down his nose.

“You did not just do that.”

I still had my finger on it in case he came at me. He wiped it off turning around. He would attack me now so I had to stop him. I sprayed his face again.

“You are in for it, little girl.”

I shook my head, “Not fair. No, James.”

“You sprayed me with whipped cream, and I don’t play fair?”

I smiled, but grabbing my stomach, “Ouch, James, Ouch.”

He was pulling me down to him, so he could hover better.

“You are so faking; I can feel your pain, Sarah.”

“No, James, NO. OUCH!”

Jake walked in and heard me saying ouch.

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Growing Tears – Chp 41 Who’s Feelin

I still had my suspicion she could feel things. I looked at her, “That’s not fair; you can almost read their minds.”

Jake and James stopped on a dime. James put his arms around me like I said something wrong.

She raised her eyebrows as her eyes fell hard on me, “I am very good at my job, Sarah; I can read most people. How do you think I got so far in my career?” The stiffness was coming over her in a very stern way.

Jake nudged me as if to tell me to shut up.

Clarissa and I exchanged grins because she knew that we all knew. I got the distinct feeling to drop the subject, while James whispered in my ear, “You’re pushing her buttons, Sarah, behave.”

Wanting reinforcements from Jake I turned to him and gestured for him to give her a feeling, but he wouldn’t even look at me. In my mind I had to ask. ‘Jake did you feel that?’ He didn’t turn to me; he just nodded. James let go of me moving forward on the edge of the couch to get a better sight of Jake. Sam elbowed me in the calf; he was sitting between my legs on the floor.

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Growing Tears – Chp 42 Paybacks

Jake, however, wasn’t used to my running away from things, and he was really angry, approaching the chair where I was sitting, “That was ridiculous, totally wrong!”

Not believing that he could say what I did was wrong after what they did to me, “Really?”

He moved away from me a little, “Okay, what we did was wrong, but look at poor James over there. He can’t even get off the floor. “

I peeked over the table at him and smiled. He was still holding his chest. “He feels me; he knew I was safe.”

James was shaking his head no, “I freaked out, because I didn’t feel anything.”

I reminded him, “Your trick was not funny, either.”

Jake was more upset, “You’re sick, and if you took off, shit Sarah. This was way worse.”

I was satisfied, “Don’t play mean games on me.”

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Growing Tears – Chp 43 Calling

I was getting dizzy from wanting him so badly.

When he peeked at me through his lashes he confessed, “Sarah, your body is calling for me.”

My heart was pounding making the sound echo in my ears, “What?”

“When you were upstairs, I felt your body calling for mine. I am having a really hard time right now.”

He glanced up to my eyes and gazed deeply into them.

“James, no, I’m so sorry. I can’t… the pain would be…”

“I know; it’s just so hard when the heat from you is pulling me in.” His voice was mixed between excitement and regret. The excitement won as he lifted my shirt, “You want to feel me; I can feel you.”

“Oh, I do, James, but no… the pain would be too much.” The pain worried me but the reality of it was I needed to feel him.

.

Growing Tears – Chp 44 A Little Practice

Carl looked at everybody and then at me and came to sit by me. He took my hand bringing it to his lap, “You love my James.”

I turned to him, because I didn’t understand where this was going, “Yes.”

“You are having feelings?”

I was curious now and nodded. Carl seemed pleased with himself, so he continued, “We didn’t think it would happen. You didn’t have the child.”

I didn’t know how to feel, so I stared into his eyes. My feelings were a mixture of not being able to breathe, the dark cloud moving in, and excitement all at the same time. He was talking to me about it. I choked out, “So it is normal.”

He seemed pleased with this as the grin on his face grew.

“So are you talking to me about it?”

Being a little more serious he asked, “Do you hear or just feel?”

Not knowing the difference asked, “Hear?”

“Can you hear what people are thinking, Sarah?”

“No.” I glanced at him puzzled.

“So, you feel?”

“It’s fuzzy, it’s more like an instinct. Like when we were playing games the other night and Wilson was getting uncomfortable. I could feel he was anxious.”

.

Growing Tears – Chp 45 Visitors

Just then we heard another car pull in.

Matt was a lot louder than the rest of them. I was excited to see Matt, but panic struck me quickly, realizing that girls from school were also here. I turned to James worried. He came to me right away and took my hand turning me to him, “Sarah, you can do this without crying, right?”

I didn’t know if I could. They have never been very nice to me.

“Do you want to come out with us, or do you want to wait here?”

I shrugged my shoulders. I was having very mixed feelings.

“Come with

.

Growing Tears – Chp 46 Exciting

I whispered, “James got me a one piece if you are interested.”

Then she smiled at me, “Really?”

Jake was really excited that she agreed to go on it with him. He said she could do all the driving. James was giving me a piggy back up to the apartment.

.

Growing Tears – Chp 47 Readings

She didn’t approve but laughed as she asked, “Jake, do you feel things?”

He put his head down, “I don’t think I am as good as you or James.”

“Give it a try. Tell us why he wants someone special like Sarah?”

He looked at him. I had to help him like Clarissa helped me, “Hey, Jake, I had to look at them before, but Clarissa says to not look at them and concentrate on feeling them.”

His eyes dropped, “Well he is definitely in love with Sarah, but it’s different. He doesn’t want to be with her; he understands the desire you two have to be together, but he wants what you have with her.”

He looked up at me waiting for me to agree or disagree. I smiled and nodded letting him know that he was right.

.

Growing Tears – Chp 48 Sparks

Her eyes locked on mine, and I realized she had really beautiful blue eyes.  I looked at her for a minute and then went back to the task at hand.  I let go of her hand at the top of the steps and moved down to the bed.

“Hey James…James…”

.

Growing Tears – Chp 49 A New Day

I grabbed a sweatshirt and headed to the living room to find Jake.  I wanted to be disconnected, but he wasn’t in here either.  I huffed as I pulled the tubes up and through the arm while heading down to the fire pit to find my men; that had to be where they were.

They had a whole buffet set up with griddles and pancake batter ready to go.  Wilson was showing James what to do with the bacon, but at the same time he was telling Jake what to do with the sausage.

.

Growing Tears – Chp 50 The Love Story

“Well, James was gone for a while, but while he was gone he came back for one day to be with her.”

.

Growing Tears – Chp 51 Old Tale

She was nervous and chanted in her head the saying the eagle had given her.  It took them to a magical place where they were happy to share with each other the gift of oneness.  These are the great, great, great grandparents to me, and to my sons.

 .

Growing Tears – Chp 52 New Feelings

Danelle walked out of Jake’s room.  She had on a bikini top and shorts.  I stopped, “Danelle?”

She smiled and pulled my arm to follow her.  I let go of Jake and followed her to the bedroom.

Jake stood there mesmerized.

.

Growing Tears – Chp 53 The Passion

We both looked up at them.  She was giddy and stood quickly to go with him.  They were playful, as they started to walk away.  Clarissa looked back at us, or at me, “Told you the passion is…”  She took a deep breath and they hurried out of sight.

.

Growing Tears – Chp 54 Saying Goodbye

I hugged him, “Brian…”

He pushed me away to see my face, “What?”

“I still need you as a friend.  I hope that is okay?”

He grinned, “As long as your husband doesn’t mind.”

“He won’t as long as you behave.”

He grinned and chuckled a little, “Well, I guess that won’t be a problem with you being married.”

We both laughed together.

.

Growing Tears – 55 End of Sadness

 I held his arms tight around me, as I thought about how we have spent the beginning of our marriage and how I felt that it was full of growing tears, but now that would end and we would be on our way to a new beginning.

 
 

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